Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
