Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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