I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
