I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
