Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
