How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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