I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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