hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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