we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
