Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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