but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
