The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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