We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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