also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
