So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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