is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
