Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
