i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
