it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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