You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
