Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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