paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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