You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I fill condoms, not promises.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You are a genius and a whore.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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