low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
