She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
