R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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