Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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