I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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