She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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