I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
