If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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