im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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