I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
