can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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