im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
