Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
