WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize