i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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