she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
