We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
