Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
