just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
