That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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