My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
