i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
