Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
