college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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