i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
