I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
