new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize