me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize