Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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