I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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