Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
