Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's blow job season.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
