I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
