That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
