You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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