The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
