Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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