Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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