just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ttyl tear gas
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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