somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
