u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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