i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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