if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
