I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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