this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
