Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
