You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Panties = found
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
