getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
