Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
