Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
