i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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