Whod you bang
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
