sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
